The Christmas holiday is now over, and for many there is a lingering sadness. While some of that sadness may stem from unmet expectations or from disappointment with those around you, the most painful sorrow of the heart often comes from the loss of a loved one. Maybe there was an empty chair around the dinner table at your house this year because someone dear to you has passed away.
Those things are hard for us because God created us to be very social. We enjoy being with those we care about. When something good happens to us, our first instinct is to share that experience with them. We even see this in children. When toddlers finish drawing something with their crayons, as soon as they finish, they want to proudly show it to someone. We will “oooh” and “aaah” over it, even when we have no clue what we’re looking at. We are happy just because they are excited.
When we get together to celebrate (like many of us do at Christmas time), we long to share that joy with our loved ones. When someone we love is no longer with us, though, our hearts ache because we can’t share our happy experiences with them like we used to.
How can we cope with the grief that is the result of losing someone we love, especially during special occasions like Thanksgiving, Christmas, anniversaries, or birthdays? Here are some helpful suggestions.
#1 Discover the advantages of grief. Yes, there are some! I understand that no one (including me) wants to suffer the pain that comes from losing a loved one. If we put our trust in the Lord, though, He will show us many good things. For example, grief reminds us that life is fragile, and that eternity is long. We should let grief help us to get our priorities straight. The most important things in life are the things that will still matter 100 years from now.
When the Apostle Paul was going through a particularly painful time in his life, the Lord told him, “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9–10). Being sad is a weakness in our spirit. When we are weak, it empties us so we can receive more of Christ’s peace and presence (see Philippians 4:4-7).
#2 Although you are missing your loved one, share your good experiences with the One who loves you more than anyone else. No one loves us more than Jesus. I know this is true because He is the only one who could, and did, pay the horrific penalty for our sin.
“By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation It is actually possible to have a real and growing relationship with the One who made you. This is how it begins:“If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, ‘Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed’ ” (Romans 10:9–11). King David expressed his confidence that the Lord could fill every empty crevice in his life, even the loss of his parents: “If my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up” (Psalm 27:10). Jesus is not just someone we talk about in church, someone who is far away, who we only contact for special, religious ceremonies. The last thing He told His followers was that He would be with them “always.” He came to this earth to make a way for us to have a close, personal relationship with God. Let the losses of this life draw you closer and closer to Him. #3 Focus on what your loved one has gained. When someone we love dies, we tend to think about what we have lost, and ignore what our loved one has gained. If he or she had accepted God’s free gift, Christ’s offer of forgiveness, that person is now experiencing “fullness of joy” and “pleasures forever” (Psalm 16:11). We should be excited for what he or she now possesses. I’m sure that after 10 seconds with Jesus, no one would want to return to this very broken world. #4 Develop the habit of praising God for what you do have. 19th Century British pastor Charles Spurgeon encourages us with these words, “Praise is the rent which He asks of us for the enjoyment of all things. Will we be slow to pay? Will a man rob God? When it is such a happy work to give Him His due, will we deny it? It blesses us to bless the Lord. …. Come, if you have become sorrowful lately, shake off your gloom, and awake all your instruments of music to praise the Lord! Let not murmuring and complaining be so much as mentioned among His saints.” “Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name” (Psalm 29:2). If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, then you have some amazing promises from the One who cannot lie. “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you….The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:6, 8). “Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you” (Isaiah 49:15). Sorrow and grief are unavoidable as we exist in this sin-infested world, but we don’t have to give in to despair. “Those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever” (Psalm 125:1).
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